Mindy Sue Cleveland Photographer

Mindy Sue Cleveland Photographer


Monday, January 27, 2014

The guilt of being an imperfect Mother

  I think school will be canceled tomorrow.  That makes me happy.  I feel lucky that I enjoy being with my kids.  I think we shall build a fort, have a tea party and watch a movie. Oh and maybe if we beg Daddy will make cookies.
  More and more I am having this struggle between working and being a mother.  I keep telling myself they are only young once capture enjoy, remember it.  And then I leave my son at his basketball game while I run off to a photoshoot.  Feeling so guilty but excited to go create something beautiful for a lovely family.  Balance is hard.  I am so grateful I have a husband that helps pick up the slack without complaint!
  I fear that my children's childhood will fly by and I will have missed it.  That they won't really know me, nor I them.  That I will have failed them as a Mother.  But no, this couldn't really happen could it? Could it?  My thoughts are always referring to Dallin H. Oaks thoughts on "good, better, best".  The idea being that there are good things in this world to spend our time on.  Then there are better things and ultimately things that are best to spend our time on.
  I spend my days editing images and taking care of a house hold with little moments of love sprinkled in it.  I want less of the everyday maintenance and more of the love.  I do think that dancing with my kids is time better spent then washing the counter.   So I need to let the guilt go.  The guilt that we didn't have an amazing dinner last night because we played too many games of hide and seek that day.  The guilt that my kids aren't all decked out for preschool because we read books in my bed all morning long.  The guilt that EVERYTHING isn't perfect, it never will be.  But what I am doing with my time is not only good, or better but actually the best.


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